The Life of an Introvert

I've come to the realization that most people just don't understand introverts. And by "most people," I mean all you extroverts. 

Here's the thing: I've known my entire life that I was, and am, an introvert. It wasn't something I discovered about myself. It wasn't something that slowly came on. It's just who I am. 

I prefer the company of one or two close friends to the company of 20.  If you asked me whether I wanted to spend Friday night at a club or at home eating pizza and watching movies, I'd pick "pizza and movies" every day of the week and twice on Sundays.  And while extroverts are rounding up ten of their closest friends for happy hour or a fun run, you'd be doing me a favor by handing me a great book and a giving me a few hours alone to read it.

When I was younger, being introverted manifested itself as shyness. This isn't always the case with introverts, but it was with me. I didn't like to initiate conversations with other people. When I got teased, rather than come up with a witty retort I'd just turn bright red and retreat. I was extremely afraid of being judged by my peers, and I always assumed others thought I wasn't cool enough.  A lot of people go through this in grammar and high school, but for an introvert it's particularly difficult because you go through it alone. It never once occurred to me to ask my mom or my sister for advice on how to deal with it, so I just dealt with it by myself.

I've been "coming out of my shell," so to speak, my whole life. And here's the thing -- if you were to meet me today, you'd be hard pressed to guess that I'm introverted. It's not that I do a good job of hiding it, it's just that to meet people you have to be out and about doing things. You don't meet people staying home, you meet people out in the world. And the things I love - music, movies, theater, fitness, books -- will always draw me out into the land of the living.

But just because you see me at a show or out to dinner doesn't make me extroverted. If only it were that simple.

When an extrovert spends a night on the town, they are energized by crowds of people. They are in their element and it brings out the best in them. 

In contrast, when I spend a night out among throngs of people I often feel drained. I'm happy when I get home and can just cocoon for a while. I need more time to recharge my batteries.

Being introverted can be lonely at times. Not by the fact of being alone - I enjoy alone time. But because I often feel misunderstood.

There's a lot of pressure to be social in this world. From a very young age, we're encouraged to be outgoing, to be a go-getter, to have a wide circle of friends and a jam-packed social calendar.

Am I the only one who thinks a jam-packed social calendar sounds awful?

Because the truth of the matter is that it's hard for others to understand us. Being outgoing is pretty cut-and-dried. Being me is a lot more complex.

I prefer the company of a few close friends, but it can be hard to get out there and do the things people do to make new friends in the first place.So you could ask a very simple question like "why aren't you out with friends tonight?" and my answer wouldn't make sense to you. Sometimes, the answer is "I just don't feel like it." (Ridiculous! Going out with friends is always a great time!) Other times, the answer is "I'd like to but my friends are hitting the town tonight." (So go hit the town with them! Live it up! The more the merrier!) At other times, the answer is "but nobody called me so nobody wants to spend time with me tonight." (So call them! Take the initiative! Get out get out get out!)

The answer that runs through all of these is "The why doesn't really matter. I just don't want to. And I'm okay with that. I'm not defective, and you don't need to worry about me."

Thankfully there are several upsides to being introverted. I might have fewer friendships than you, but I have meaningful friendships that mean more to me than most anything else. 

I won't be the first person you meet when you walk into a party, but once you spend time talking to me, I might just be more interesting than anyone else you meet there. 

Leave me alone and I'll never go bored. I can find any number of things to fill my time and I don't go stir crazy. In fact, I draw a lot of my energy from my alone time.

So the next time you're quick to judge someone or look down upon them because their energy level doesn't match yours or they turn down your invitation to go clubbing, step back and realize that you might just be dealing with an introvert. Invite them to coffee or to go for a walk. Bring a movie over along with some nail polish. Lie on your back with them and look at the stars.  

You'll have a friend to the end.