Finding Balance

I haven’t been writing here as much as I first thought I might during this Whole30 program, and I’m okay with that. (If you scroll back you’ll see that I’ve never been great at blogging here regularly, so it’s par for the course.) But I want to jot down the main thought that’s been running through my head over the past few days:

When I finish the program, I hope to fall somewhere in between the way I used to eat and the way I’m currently eating. Balance – what a concept. Seriously – there’s not a lot of joy in eating according to the Whole30 guidelines, and I WANT to enjoy food. Sure, a healthy diet means that food serves as fuel to get your body through the day. But food does a lot more than that – it brings people together, it carries traditions through families, it serves as a gift in times of trouble, and hell, it brings a smile to my face.

I think when people move too far down the comfort food road – which I’ve definitely done during times in my life– then you need to step back and take a look at what’s driving you to sooth yourself with food, and what you can do about it. And so I do appreciate having this 30 days to reevaluate how I personally view food, what I personally put in my body, and how I personally feel when I eat whole unprocessed foods vs the standard Susan Diet. So its been a fun experiment, I’m learning new recipes, I’m learning my triggers and cravings, and I’m figuring out what kind of diet I’d like to have when I’m done.

So hey, its teaching me a lot.

And in the end, there will be ice cream. There will be more veggies and fewer snacks, but god almighty, there WILL be ice cream.

Thoughts from Days 2, 3, and 4 of Whole30

So here's a random sampling of things I've said, thought, or texted over the past few days as I embrace the program that is Whole30:

Seriously, it's like my stomach is trying to box its way out of my body.

I'd kill for a cookie right about now.

I definitely think there's a balance to be had. Somewhere between "donuts are my BFF" and "here's a perfectly balanced plate of fuel."

I'd kill for a donut right about now.

Kale can go to hell.

I'd kill for a brownie right about now.

Wait, coconut milk goes bad after TWO DAYS? What sort of racket are these coconuts running?

One thing I know about myself is that I've always sought comfort in food.It's insane how happy food makes me.

I HOOVERED it because it was so gross. I just wanted to be done with it.

But. But. But. Why does everyone else get to eat the mini pizzas?

Whose brilliant idea was this anyway?

I do NOT want to quit. Don't leave before the miracle happens and all that.

Day 1 of Whole 30: Pretty Sort Of OK I guess

I wish I had something interesting to report about today, my first day of eating according to the Whole30 Program. But so far I've had no big revelations -- not that I expected any -- and the main side effect I've noticed is a small dull headache and some pretty significant cravings for a Coke with a Hostess Cupcake.

Yeah, no big shocker there.

Coffee made with coconut milk instead of cream and sugar is still pretty good. 

I'm doing a ton of cooking and a ton of dishes. Like, seriously, the dishwasher is running ALL THE TIME.

I keep hearing about mysterious things people tell me I need to find, like "coconut aminos" and "compliant bacon." (Side note: Compliant Bacon is my new band name.) There's a metric TON of information out there about how to rock a Whole30 -- too much information, I"m finding. I just read a Facebook post from a women who's about 17 days in and mistakenly ate one kernel of corn. She wants to know if she needs to start over.

I will never be that person.

Here's a few photos of what I've eaten so far today:

* Breakfast (photo on left): Trader Joe's sausage sauteed with onions and roasted peppers, two scrambled eggs with tomatoes and avocado, two cups of coffee.

* Lunch (photo on right): Grassfed ground beef sauteed in homemade taco seasoning, served over spinach with onions, tomatoes, salsa, and a handful of olives.

* Dinner (currently cooking): steak that I picked up yesterday from the farmer's market, smashed potatoes with garlic, roasted carrots.

I think the carrots moved from roasted to burned. We'll see. I generally never eat carrots so I need to find some good recipes.

Day one is almost in the books. It'll get tougher, but hey, I'm a bit tougher too.

Whole30: Day Zero

Here's the thing you may or may not know about me: I've gone back and forth a lot in life trying to do things that I think are healthy for me. In between those spurts, however, I've spent WAY more time doing things that are extremely UNhealthy for me. And when I back up and look at the big picture, I realize that I really don't know what it means to feel good in my own skin.

Let's start with the basics. I eat a lot of crap. Sugar has been my best friend and constant companion for pretty much my whole life. Last weekend, I hoovered a box of mini donuts in less than a day. Oh yeah, and that's not unusual. Like, at all.

Pizza? Yes please. Garlic bread? Yes please. Dessert? Never turned it down. Veggies? Not my favorite.

And I'm tired a lot of the time. I feel bloated way more than one person should. I've only got one body to carry me through this world, and I haven't been giving it the care of the love it deserves. I want to change that, and I'm going to try an experiment for the next 30 days to see if I can figure out what it means to actually feel good in This Body.

You might have heard of it. The Whole30. It's an eating program based on the book It Starts With Food. The idea is pretty simple -- for 30 days, you stop eating foods that are known to cause chronic inflammation, hormonal imbalance, digestive problems, and psychological attachment (hey there, sugar cravings, how you doin'?). And instead, you focus on whole, unprocessed foods like meat, seafood, eggs, vegetables, fruit, and healthy fats. When you get to the end of 30 days, you slowly reintroduce the foods you've cut out and see how your body responds.

Oh yeah, and you don't weigh yourself the entire time. The focus isn't on weight loss, its on fundamentally changing your relationship with food.

So, in no particular order, that means I won't be eating sugar (sniff), grains, dairy, legumes/soy, or alcohol. And aside from feeling pretty okay about the no alcohol part, the rest is going to be hard.

Here's the thing: I know how to do hard. Hard doesn't scare me anymore. Life has thrown me hard, harder, and hardest this past year, and I've made my way through it every. single. time. You can't go around it, you can't go over it, you just go through it.

If anything, what I've found is that the things that are hard-won are the things that are worth it. 
I've spent the past few days cleaning out my cupboards to get rid of things I can't eat, and restocking the shelves and fridge with a crapton of meat, veggies, and fruit. Jasmine and Josie have been epically curious about all the food that will be leaving the house for the next month. (And I'm pretty sure I found some of the recalled Kraft Mac N Cheese in there.) 

I'm not throwing any of this stuff away; it's just going into hiding. Because I honestly don't anticipate turning into Susan Who Never Eats Brownies. That's just never gonna happen. But I really do want to change my relationship with food. To view it as a source of driving This Body through life rather than a source of comfort. I've comforted myself my whole life with food, and I'd like to see if I can change that.

(** By the way, here's my obligatory statement that I really don't care what you personally think about Whole30. Actually, let me rephrase that: any empowering sentiments you'd like to share are most welcome and encouraged. Any "you know you could really accomplish the same thing just by moderating what you eat" or "my brother/cousin/uncle/best friend tried to eat that way and almost DIED" or other self-righteous sentiments can be documented in your own blog.)

My sister is doing it with me. She did the Whole30 a year or two ago and is anxious to do it again, so I've got my partner in crime and my shoulder to lean on. I'm kind of excited to see what the next month holds for me. 

Let's do this.