Sorry. I love you.

When I was a kid, my sister and I would get into little fights all the time. Whether it was roughhousing or book stealing or other things that seven-year-old girls do to eight-year-old girls, I've lost track of the number of times our mom would find one of us crying, approach the other one, and remind us to apologize to each other.  

I was puzzled each time she'd tell me to say "I'm sorry" when I hadn't even tried to hurt my sister. Some of the hurt was physical, some emotional, but my defense to Mom was always "but I didn't MEAN to!" I thought apologies were only due when you intended to hurt somebody.  Because come on, I'm not going to lie -- there were many times where I'd pull her hair or scratch her or any number of other things I knew would get a rise out of her. When reminded to say I was sorry after one of those daily incidents, I complied. 

But it was really hard for me to say I was sorry when the hurt was accidental. I couldn't get past my instinct of "why say I'm sorry when I didn't even mean to do it?"


Thankfully, mom wouldn't back down. She kept reminding me that when we hurt somebody, no matter the reason, we tell them that we're sorry.

I'm really glad I finally learned that lesson. Learning it as a kid has made it much easier to put into practice as an adult.

Because as adults, our relationships are much more complex. Very rarely is it as simple as "hey, you tripped your best friend. Apologize." As adults, most of our hurting other people is unintentional. Very rarely do we go around in blatant disrespect or disregard for other people's feelings. Behavior that hurts is rarely on purpose, but that doesn't change the fact that the hurt is still there.  That it's painful. That you feel sad and let down.  

And as an adult, it's interesting to find that not everyone learned the same lessons as I did. Not everyone realizes how important it is to say you're sorry when you've hurt somebody else. There's a lot of people who still think "oh, I didn't mean to so you should just get over it."

If only it were that easy. It's not. Life is hard. It's complex.. It's messy. And we need to love each other through it. We need to put other people's feelings ahead of our own, and admit when we've goofed. Even when we didn't mean to cause hurt or damage or bad feelings. In fact, especially when we didn't mean to cause hurt or damage or bad feelings.

Because part of living in this world is having harmony with those around us. Relationships are hardly ever 50/50. There are times where you'll be in need and need others to take care of you. There are other times where you'll be the one giving 110% because you love the other person enough to give them all you have, and then a bit more.

I truly admire the people in my life who know all of this and then some. They see the pure joy in putting others first, and know that a lot of own own happiness comes in seeking happiness for those who matter most to us.

Remembering Mary

A few weeks ago, one of my fellow boot campers passed away. It was a shock that saddened our group, and the loss of Mary has not gone unnoticed. 

Fellow boot camper Sarah asked whether anyone had a memory or story about Mary that they wanted to share with her family. I wrote this yesterday and wanted to make sure I had a place to keep it safe.

I first met Mary in January of 2012. I was starting the new year with a new attitude along with some new fitness goals, and so I decided to sign up for the Shamrock'n Half Marathon Training sponsored by Fleet Feet Sacramento. I knew I didn't want to run the race (dear god, no running for me!) but figured I could definitely walk it, so I registered with the group of people who also wanted to train as walkers.

The first night of training, I met Mary along with several other new and friendly faces. Mary was a faithful attendee at each and every training session, and even though I knew she had a few years on me, I could NEVER keep up with her! She was one of the fastest walkers I had ever laid eyes on, and she continually left me in her dust as we trained -- and, eventually, as we both completed the half-marathon.

As soon as our marathon training wrapped up, I narrowed in on a new fitness goal of getting stronger and healthier. To help me with that goal I enrolled in Fleet Feet's Fit Body Boot Camp, which kicked off the week after the half-marathon. I showed up the first day and, lo and behold, there was Mary, ready for each and every fitness challenge that was thrown at her! As soon as I saw her, I knew that I had a friend and companion to keep me company in this new group of fitness fanatics.

I was consistently impressed with her spirit of determination as well as her quiet grace. She was easy to talk to and made friends with just about everyone in class.

Before starting this fitness journey, I never realized that I could become so close to a group of wacky and wonderful strangers who were on the same journey as I. It's funny to realize what brings people together – it doesn't have to be a shared past, or family, or politics or where you live. It can be something as simple and as personal as the goals in front of you and how you set out to achieve those goals. I am so happy to have met Mary and worked with her toward our mutual goal of getting outside and getting healthy. She made the journey fun, she inspired me and so many others, and her spirit steadfastly remains within our group.